The Human Agenda

Bethany College 2018 Alumni Award of Merit for Distinguished Service

Bethany College Alumni Dinner
October 13, 2018
David E. Nelson – Alumni Award

When I got the call about this award my first thought was “of course, they have made a mistake.” I know about my four years at Bethany. I have lived my 50 plus years since. This must be a mistake. Then I thought about it and decided to go with the flow and make plans to be here, in case you change your mind.

In the late 1930s Bethany College President Emory Lindquist drove to Canton, Kansas to visit and attempt to recruit a young woman who had a state-wide reputation for speech and debate. In order to make it possible he agreed to hire her as his personal secretary at the college. That young woman was Barbara Lacquement. She did not have a date for the Ottawa football game and there was a train to and from the game. Eugene Nelson, a leader on the debate squad, made a generous offer to invite her as his date. On the train, on the way back to Lindsborg, she fell asleep on his shoulder. Both my Mom and Dad like to say, “She continued in that position for the rest of her life.”

Thanks Mom and Dad for telling me stories of Bethany College. Dad used to tell me, “Bethany is named after the town in the Bible ‘where Jesus liked to hang out with his friends.’”

As a sophomore at Bethany I was part of a Blue Key assembly that reintroduced “The Terrible Swede” as the mascot. L. Dale Lund, the president at the time, called me into his office the next day and told me that was a mistake. It would be bad for the school to raise image of “terrible” Swede. That was not my only mistake at Bethany. I remained the “Terrible Swede” mascot for my entire time at Bethany. Several years ago, a new statue was added on campus of The Terrible Swede. Today a new outfit was used. A bit different from the buffalo skin, huaraches sandals and shabby shorts. While I was a senior, Dr. Lund visited from the Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago. He made an appointment with me and said he strongly felt “David, you belong at seminary.”

Thanks Dr. Lund for reminding me that I make mistakes, but I am not a mistake.

From the first day on campus to graduation day I dated and began to define my life in relationship with Ann Sandberg. She knows me better than anyone and knows better than anyone that I make mistakes. She also chooses to believe in me and forgives me and reminds me I am not a mistake. Thanks Ann for being the most precious partner anyone could ever have. Thanks for our partnership in home-making and parenting to three wonderful children. One of them is memorialized in the Molly Amanda Nelson Pre-School Library just down the hall in this building, and two that have also become alumni of Bethany. Thanks Lars, Lucia and Molly for your reminders that loving someone is never a mistake, even when it hurts.

During the 50 plus years since I graduated from Bethany College I have been granted amazing opportunities to learn, serve, mentor, speak, coach, provide spiritual direction, and befriend many. I have had the honor of serving three wonderful congregations of the LCA and the ELCA. Along with my sisters and brothers of various world religions I was privileged to help establish the Greater Kansas City Interfaith Council and serve as convener in the early years. I worked with people in Head Start, Migrant Education, and Health and Human Services, in Prehospital Care and 911 Communication Centers. I partnered with men in the United States Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas, who were transiting their lives. Thanks for all those wonderful people. Each one has been a gift to me.

One of the strongest guiding values was what I learned at Bethany College. Thanks Bethany College and the Bethany Family, I accept this incredible honor, whether it is a mistake or not. I make mistakes, but I am not a mistake. James Joyce said it years ago and I embrace it today, “Mistakes are the portals of discovery.”

Holiday Greeting 2017

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

Greetings to you and your family as people around the globe light candles, bonfires, and various other ways of keeping the light shining no matter what else is happening.

In a world often torn by conflict and a nation divided and struggling to keep core values, we celebrate the many lights of hope that appear.

Ann and David celebrated their 50 years of marriage in a special way in July with all 11 of our family together for a week. Our children and their families bring much light and laughter to our hearts. Hard to believe we will have a grandchild in college next fall. We celebrated our Bethany College 50th reunion last fall.

We love our Kansas City community and the comfortable engagements of our Church home, exercise classes, Assistance League, Stitch Group, Vital Conversations, Eggs and Enlightenment, Retired Clergy, Interfaith Family, Old Codgers, and various small groups and dear friends. We continue to make our current residence the right place for us well into the future. We both celebrate good health and active lives.

We continue to spend several weeks each year in Estes Park and Rocky Mountain National Park as well as visits with family in Bozeman, Montana and Kingman, Kansas.

Books we enjoyed this past year: To The Stars Through Difficulties by Romalyn Tilgman, Islam and The Future of Tolerance by Sam Harris and Maajid Nawaz, When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, and One Hope: Re-Membering the Body of Christ. Kansas City area libraries all participated in a “Big Read” of the book The Things They Carried to help us remember The Vietnam War.

Our reading, theater attendance, movies and TV shows remind us that light and dark are both part of human life. Love and hate, however, are different than light and dark. We choose each day which candles to light and with which to pay attention.

We trust that you are also identifying, celebrating, and nurturing the love and the good that surrounds you. The world is a wonderful home. Sharing it with you is part of our joy.

Ann & David Nelson

anncnelsonkc@gmail.com

humanagenda@gmail.com

816.453.3835

Another David Nelson

David Reid Nelson 1946-1968 In Appreciation

David Reid Nelson grew up in central Kansas near Hutchinson. He graduated from Nickerson Rural High School in 1965 and when drafted got permission to enter the Marine Corps. He re-enlisted during boot camp and served in Vietnam at his request. He would have been home to stay in February 1968 but instead went back to Vietnam. On the Fourth of July 1968, his convoy was ambushed near Da Nang and David was killed. That David Nelson would have been 71 this year, but his life ended at 21. He served his country and gave his life in that service.

In 1968 I was attending seminary in Chicago. During that time, I was active in demonstrations protesting The United States involvement in Vietnam. My birth brother served in the US Air Force and was stationed in Da Nang. I have visited the Vietnam War Memorial several times and have taken rubbings of five David Nelsons who died in that war. These brothers of mine have often been on my mind and in my heart. Several weeks ago, while discussing the book The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien, I met a woman whose husband knew David Reid Nelson and they sent me information about his place of burial in Hutchinson. This week I visited David’s grave site. The time spend at his grave site were painful and healing.

My wife Ann and I moved in 1971 to a rural community north of Hutchinson, Kansas. Both of our birth children were born there. I remember a gathering in Hutchinson in 1972 to protest the Vietnam War and most of those present were veterans or family members of those who had died. I was asked to speak, but instead I requested those present to share their stories. It was a day of tears and healing that I will not forget. I wish I would have met David Reid Nelson’s parents and sister that day. I grieve his death and so many others.

I am hopeful that “The Big Read” in Greater Kansas City will make possible the sharing of stories and the healing of broken hearts. I am ready to listen and learn from you. I hope you will read the book, watch the PBS Documentary on “Vietnam” beginning in September and join a group to share your Vietnam story. It will be difficult for many. Your story can assist others in healing. I know it will be a gift to me.

Obituary

Writing your own obituary is a bold and playful act of wishful thinking.  Of course I don't know the circumstances or date of my death.  I like not knowing.  But I can write what I hope might be said about me after I die.  Here is my latest version.  It gives me some clarity for the way I am going to live my life for the next day, week, month, year and decade.  I commit my self to living up to my own expectations.

David E. Nelson

1945-2045

 David Nelson completed the earthly portion of his life today, February 19, 2045, just two days short of his 100^th birthday.  He died peacefully in the arms of his wife Ann.  His family and friends at a Holy Eucharist are celebrating him on Sunday.   His wife, children Lars and Lucia, their spouses, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren are hosting a celebration and party following the Eucharist.  This will be held in the backyard of their home for the past 64 years. 

 David’s adult life can be divided into three significant parts.  For 24 years he served in parish ministry in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.  The parishes included a rural church in Central Kansas, a town-gown parish in Manhattan, Kansas and a multi-staff parish in Kansas City, Missouri.  David’s leadership in liturgical worship and social justice was widely recognized and appreciated by both the local and national church.   His writing during this time included adult study material, family devotional guides, and journal articles.   He provided spiritual direction in both individual and group settings and was appreciated by his personal story telling and warm preaching style.

 The second third of David’s life saw an expansion of his influence.  As an Appreciative Inquiry Coach he assisted individuals and groups in a variety of settings.  These included the Department of Health and Human Services, Emergency Medicine, Head Start, and Community Action Agencies.  He provided training in Team Building and Appreciative Supervision in 39 states and Europe.  As a leader in the interfaith community he was one of the founders of the Greater Kansas City Interfaith Council and served as Convenor for a number of years.  He continued to host Vital Conversations once a month into his 80s.  One of the most satisfying segments of this period was his work with the Life Connections Program at the United States Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas.  It was in this setting that David demonstrated the power of appreciative inquiry to assist in the transformation of individuals to become the wonderful human beings they really are.  He continued to provide mentoring and coaching to men who left behind their criminal thinking and behavior and became leaders in their community.

The last third of David’s life was lived in a quiet and comfortably engaged pattern that many saw as a model.  His practice of swimming, meditation and journaling kept him both healthy and balanced.  His presence at meetings was often recognized as a gift to others who were in attendance.  The most important spiritual-human discipline, according to David, was his “happy hour” every day with Ann.  They share it with others on occasion, but most often it the two of them gathering about 5 p.m. every day to share a glass of wine and conversation about their day.  David often told others that this was the secret of his balanced life.

 His family remembers David Nelson fondly.  Each one is ready to share stories of times with “Farfar.”  Their second home in Estes Park, Colorado was a place where the family gathered several times a year and every “Barnbarn” (grandchild) can tell of precious memories shared. 

The stewardship of David’s life can best be celebrated by those who knew and loved him by recommitting themselves to living fully, learning much, laughing often, loving well and leading themselves and others.

 

 

Preparing for Retirement

Reflections on Retirement

“It’s your life.  Don’t miss it.”

David E. Nelson – Appreciative Inquiry Coach

 Some of you who are reading this are in the early days of your career and wonder why read on.  Some may be looking forward and counting the years, months or even days until that moment arrives.  And still others, like me, have reached that crossroads on the journey of a life.  I was shocked when my family offered to host a retirement party for me a year ago.  I still thought of myself in that first group.  Time moves forward at a faster and faster speed we all will soon discover.

 I will leave it for others to work on some of the financial plans about retirement, it is the social, physical, and personal matters that I want to reflect on in this space.  From my experience this past year, I have discovered it is important to follow Stephen Covey’s advice and “begin with the end in mind.”  Think today, at whatever point in your journey, about tomorrow.  Put actions in place that will position you to thrive when you step across that threshold into retirement.  Even if your retirement will come in stages, as mine has, there are moments when it becomes clear that life is different now that making money has become far less a demanding reality.  I offer this list for you to consider and to revise for your own planning to enjoy the last half of your life.

1. Discover what you love to do.  What fills your cup?  What activities, connections, and engagements do you cherish and feel renewed afterwards?  It has been sad for me to hear some of my friends tell me how difficult it is to retire because they don’t know what to do with their time.  Their daily and weekly agenda was driven by job demands and they did not invest their time or energy to discover the true joys of their life.
2. Remember no job is who you are.  You may be a great supervisor or office manager, etc. but you are always more than that.  And if your identity is wrapped too tightly around a profession or a job, retirement can be very difficult.  It is important to keep defining yourself while employed in ways that expand your humanness.  Perhaps there are aspects of your present employment that will remain very special, but no one is only their position.
3. Learn more about human “being” than human “doing.”  So often I get caught up in activity.  Often people say to me, “You must be really busy.”  I respond, partially tongue in cheek, but also honestly, “No, busy is not one of my goals.”  Retirement gives me the chance to be comfortably engaged rather than just busy.  Now I get to select activities that satisfy me and add to my family and community.  My Native American friends tell me that a bird, a fox, or a tree know clearly how to be a bird, a fox, or a tree.  But we humans often appear to not understand how to be a human being.  Each of us will make that discovery on our own and the definitions will differ.
4. Reflect on how you want to be remembered.  In several of the classes I teach I have people write their obituaries.  I ask them to do a bit of wishful thinking about what words they would like to have said about them after they die.  Some are hesitant and even resistant, but most discover significant insight in completing the assignment.  Some of my clients have created clever statements that spark laughter, but even in these playful reflections new insights are often embraced.  Several have even made some major adjustment in their lives based on how they want to be remembered. 
5. Be selective in your circle of friends.  In much of my professional life I was engaged with people I would never have selected as friends.  My profession laid on me the responsible to be present to them and engaged in positive ways.  Not all these connections were without their rewards.  In fact at times I gained much more than I would have ever expected.   Being selective for me means finding those I grow with and not merely those I agree with.  I want friends who share my politics and my spirituality.  I also want friends who will share a different perspective in a respectful and engaging manner.  I have weekly meetings with people who articulate a very different political or spiritual opinion than my own.
6. Learn to say “yes” and “no”.   Too many of my friends are easily seduced into getting more involved than they really want.  People who allow others to write the agendas of their lives will often complain to their family and friends rather than make the decision to say “no”.  Living life “on your terms” is not a selfish decision; it is a human decision that can speak volumes to the people who look to you as a model.  In retirement you have earned the right to say yes or no and not be manipulated into serving on another committee, hosting another party, taking care of your grandchildren, or going back to work as a “consultant”, unless these are your choices.  Think carefully as you discern how you want to spend these precious years of your life.
7. Keep expanding your horizons.  Retirement does not have to mean ending your human evolution.  I am convinced that the only wasted day in my life is the day I claim no new learnings.  Sometimes the learnings are from a class.  It is delightful to see all the free or low cost classes available in every community I am familiar with.  Sometimes the learnings are from events and discoveries in the daily news or events.  Sometimes the learnings are difficult and even painful.  But each day as you claim a new learning your horizons lengthen and your life expands.

Keep the list growing by adding your own.  “It’s your life. Don’t miss it.”

 

65 and Still Counting

Turning 65

Turning 65 was not as bad as I might have suspected a decade ago.  I remember when my parents were 65 and they seemed so old.  But, to be honest, they almost always seemed old to me.  The one age that seemed really foreboding was 29.  When my brother-in-law turned that age I thought to myself “Wow, could I live that long?”  And now looking back more than half my life to that time seems so easy.

Birthdays are not so much for counting the years as for celebrating the wonderful and mysterious gift of life.  We can use birthdays as special times for gathering together to celebrate or to send greetings through email or snail-mail.  Recently I attended training on a program called “Explore Your Future” and we looked at birthday cards.  Many of them were very touching, or funny.  Many were almost cruel in their humor about getting older.  In our Western culture we have idealized youth and being young so much that we have almost neutralized the value of age.  In the Eastern culture there is an embracing of the elderly.  Among first nation people the elder always speaks first.  I attended a wonderful celebration on the first day of Kwanza this past year and as younger members of the audience rose to speak they would begin by asking “May I have the permission of the elders to speak?”  It felt very respectful to me.

As leaders in our industries and as office managers and supervisors we can increase our effectiveness by recognizing and honoring the strengths of all our employees and customers.  Age is but one of the factors that make us each unique and special.  Because of health care and personal discipline people will continue to increase the average life span.  Some are suggesting that our grandchildren could very likely live to be over 100 on the average.  It that is true, and I believe it is, we can look at new ways to view retirement and aging.  Perhaps it is possible to rediscover the “being” part of human being. 

I don’t have to work for pay any longer and yet I still seek some employment.  I seek it for other reasons than just a paycheck.  I enjoyed the engagement with people who are providing needed services in health care, education and inter-faith communities.  I drive 45 miles to a federal prison two days a week to partner with men who are changing their lives by deepening their faith, strengthening their life skills and making better decisions.  I do these things because it adds value to others and it increases my personal satisfaction and adds joy to my life.

What do you love to do personally and professionally?  What are the life skills that you have discovered and nurtured in your life?  What are the activities you are engaged in that bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart?  What motivates you to get up each day with enthusiasm?  The answers to these questions can be good indicators for your life planning. 

Life Planning is always a part of our human agenda.  Sometimes we do it without thinking about and other times we can be very intentional.  Wherever you are in your life’s journey, I invite you to take some time out, reflect on where you’ve been and where you would like to go on this adventure we call life.  Turning 65 is a great joy for me.  Reflecting on my past, present, and future is an exciting topic to think and write about.  I am very clear at this moment that the past does not determine the present and future.  I determine the present and the future.  Understanding my history is helpful.  Even more helpful is gaining greater understanding about my strengths and my dreams.  We can all tackle this undertaking in our own way.  I offer the following questions as thought starters for you to reflect on, talk about and even write about in your journal.

Top Ten Questions I Am Asking Myself

1.     If bringing in an income is not the critical factor in how I spend my days, how would I really like to spend time?
2.     What hobbies and interests have I set aside until “I have time.”?
3.     Where do my joys and the world’s hurts or needs connect?
4.     Who are the people and groups that challenge me and encourage my personal and professional growth?
5.     What are five activities I can engage in this week that deepen my spirituality?
6.     What are five activities that improve my health and therefore lengthen my life?
7.     Who do I want to write to(not email or phone, but write) this week?
8.     What are five activities I can do just for fun?
9.     How can I practice extreme self care this week?
10.   When I look back in another decade, what will I see then that I am missing now about my Life Plan?

Turning 65 is really fun.  15 years ago, on our 50^th birthday, my wife and I hosted a birthday party for ourselves.  The invitation included the comment, “Come and see what a century of life looks like.”  We looked pretty good then.  I must be honest and set aside modesty and say; I think we look and feel even better today.  Retirement has been great to my wife Ann.  Semi-retirement is wonderful for me.  The values we have embraced, the friendships we have nurtured, the organizations we have joined, and the balance we have embraced is making these years the best of life so far.

I do not know how many years I have left in this human adventure.  I do know that I am extremely happy to be alive and healthy.  I do know a wonderful family and a delightful group of friends surround me.  Both family and friends have involved hard work at times and it has always been worthwhile.  Turning 65 is great.

Ann's Retirement

The journey inward has been wonderful.
You have filled our home, our gardens, and our lives
With beauty, love and hope.
The family of two, then three, and then four
And then such a terrible loss invaded our sacred space.
But even in the loss your love and understanding
Prepared us to welcome another.

The journey outward to others has also been blessed.
Homes in Montana have been built with care and integrity.
Families in Kansas have been given new insights, clarity and vision.
Leaders in EMS and Head Start have been inspired to excellence.
Children in Chicago, Colorado and so many in Missouri have been
Given the sacred space to learn to love learning and life.
Your presence has been a gift to so many and it keeps on giving.

Like a pebble thrown into a pond rippling outwards
Or a gentle spring shower giving nutrients and life,
Your teaching and living are well worth celebrating.
May this small garden statue given by three of us.
Always remind you that our love and appreciation
For you never ends.

                            Lucia, Lars and David

Marley Jo Munz

Lucia, Toby, Myah and Mason Munz announced the arrival of Marley Jo on February 25, 2005.  She was born at the Salina Regional Hospital at 10:30 a.m.  She weights in at 6 pounds 12 ounces and stands (or rests at this moment) at 18 inches.  Farfar (David) and Nana (Ann) could not be happier. 

Having grandchildren is a promise that the world is a wonderful home and the future is good. 

Personal Information

David E. Nelson, D.Min

Dr. David Nelson has been leading himself and others for most of his life.  He is part of the movement for human liberation.  In his relationship with a great diversity of people he recognizes a mysterious and wonderful human connection. Through THE HUMAN AGENDA, David continues his life-long passion to live fully and invite others to live fully.  His organization provides resources and coaching for people and organizations to claim their full human potential. He is an appreciative inquiry coach, motivational speaker, consultant, and trainer.  Recent projects include his work as a consultant to Head Start and Migrant Education programs throughout the United States and his continued ministry through the World Faiths Center. David is an associate with Fitch & Associates, a consulting firm in the Emergency Medicine Industry.  His passion for people, energy for getting the task completed, and human leadership skills enable him to support you in being the wonderful human being you really are.

(Click here for a bio from CRES)

 

   

The Top Ten Values I Hold and How I am Living Out of Them

 

1. ROOTS.
I am more and more appreciative of my grandparents, parents, daughter who   died and my current family members. They give me a solid base, from which I   can grow and live fully in the world.
 
2. LEARNING. 
I am the "Chief Learning Officer" of THE HUMAN AGENDA. I am a life long   learner. I enjoy reading, pondering, and discussing ideas and stories. It   brings me much pleasure to share my learnings with others and to partner with   others in their growth. The only wasted day, in my opinion, is the day in   which I do not claim some learning.
 
3. ABUNDANCE. 
There are plenty of opportunities, clients, jobs, challenges in the world.   I don’t need to compete with anyone. I share whatever I can that will add   value to others.
 
4. DIVERSITY.
I welcome, support and celebrate the diversity of class, race, religion,   sexual orientation, education, experience, age, etc. My life is much richer as   I interact with people who are different.
 
5. JUSTICE. 
I seek to talk and walk a passion for respect and opportunity for all   people, especially those who oppressed by others or by the dominant culture.
 
6. EXCELLENCE.
Anything worth doing is worth doling well. I expect excellence in my work   and the work of others. I am proud of my work.
 
7. SPIRITUALITY. 
I am Zen (in practice), Native American (in theology), Christian (by baptism into community), and always fully human. I am Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, and Pagan by intent. I do not believe paths to the sacred need to compete with each other.
 
8. ADVENTURE. 
I am glad I do not know the future. I love to explore new places, new   people, and new opportunities. Each moment is a special. I expect wonderful things to happen.
 
9. APPRECIATION. 
I love to appreciate others and I love being appreciated. I believe mutual   appreciation is very natural and very human. 
10. CONGRUENCE. 
I seek to be the same person inside and outside.  I live my life on my terms and never             confuse any career with my life.  I am a coach, consultant, training, speaker, and storyteller.  I am a wonderful human being. 

Top Ten Things I Know Now

 

1. I am a wonderful and unique human being.
And so are all others.   Although I share many things with others and am related to the whole human   family, there is something that is individually me. The universe is my home   and earth is my address.  
2. I am finally responsible only for myself.
I am responsible to my wife,   children, grandchildren, friends, co-workers and others. I am finally accountable   only for myself. I am responsible for my thoughts, words and deeds. I am   responsible for my intentions and the results of my behaviors.  
3. The universe is on my side.
Although there seems to be evidence at   times to the contrary, we live in a benevolent universe. Rather than striving   or fighting to change the world, it makes more sense to me to find the right   flow for me and go with it.  
4. Good things and bad things happen to all of us.
What happens to us is   not always the result of our goodness or badness. Nor does it determine the   quality of our life. The quality of life is determined by how we respond to   the events that unfold around us. The opportunity to adopt a child or the   death of a child certainly changes reality, but it is not a pre-determined   result of good or evil.  
5. Gratitude is very attractive.
Life is all about energy. At any given   moment my energy is either adding to the space I am in or it is a drain.   Living with joy and gratitude adds much positive energy to me and to those   around me. Living with gratitude is a choice.  
6. Imagination is more important than knowledge.
I know, Einstein said it   first, but it still can be something I know. Wisdom is more about what I do   with information than the information itself. The human mind is a powerful   organ capable of astonishing creations. With my imagination I can rehearse and   therefore prepare for success.  
7. No one is born a victim or an oppressor.
As humans we can slip into   conditioned roles, but no one is born into a role. Anything that is learned   can be unlearned. Human maturity is about discovering what is inherent and   what is conditioned. I choose to never live as a victim or an oppressor. I   seek to invite all others to reject these oppressive roles as well.  
8. Each of us can learn something everyday.
The most wasted day is the   day I did not learn something. Every day contains a treasure, an insight, or   an experience that will add value to my life. Some of these learnings are the   products of classes or intentional learning experiences. Some are gifts from   the universe that I could neither anticipate nor plan for. Some are tragic and   painful events that I would have avoided it possible. But from each there is a   gift, a morsel or banquet of insight that will keep me evolving.  
9. What the world needs now is love.
Love is an energy that gives life   and hope. It can be expressed in millions of ways. Love keeps me evolving. I   know that when I love well the world is a better place. It is great when   others return that love, but it is not necessary. It is my decision to love   each person and each part of my world. Occasionally this will get me hurt, but   the joy of living this way far outweighs the threat.  
10. Death is not the end.
Birth and death are bookends on the mystery of   life. I don't know much the time and space outside of these bookends. I have   experienced a loving mystery during this brief life that is so powerful and so   present that I live and I will die knowing that death ends a life but not the   essence of reality, including my own. It is great to be part of something that   is bigger and more lasting than I am. I experience and address that reality in   a variety of ways, both religiously and spiritually.