Coaching for a Change
David Nelson,
Appreciative Inquiry Coach
One of the first questions I am asked when I introduce
Appreciative Inquiry is, “Will it work then you want to correct or change
behavior?” Parents are reluctant
to use “appreciative parenting” if it does not have a method of
discipline. Supervisors hesitate
adopting a process unless it can be used to support better behavior and
improvements in their employees.
Managers are weary of “pie in the sky” methods that do not take
seriously the real work place where people can be lazy, offensive, and
downright nasty to customers, clients, patients, and each other.
I love this question.
My enthusiasm for Appreciative Inquiry and Appreciate Supervision is
precisely because it is a process that creates positive change in a powerful
way. My work with felons in a
federal prison has reinforced this belief, but my original embracing of AI
comes from the everyday interactions I have with family members, neighbors,
friends, and partners in business.
Coaching for a change is both effective and fun. Using the tools of appreciative inquiry
results in changes in behavior that occur quickly and last longer.
Three coaching skills are at the heart of giving the power
to another for making a change in behavior, attitude, or skill. Remember, no person is a
problem. People are wonderful
allies in our office, our community and our home. A person’s behavior can be a problem. A person’s attitude can be a
problem. An individual’s lack of
knowledge can be a problem. These
are things, which can be addressed and changed. I can’t change another person, but I can be a coach, a
partner, a parent, and a friend to give another the attention, the language,
the resources for them to make a change that can make the office, the
community, or the home a more positive space.
First, keep
identifying and celebrating the positive core and root cause for success of
the person you would like to see change.
The first assumption of Appreciative Inquiry is “in every human being
something works.” My joy and my
job in any relationship is to keep looking for and identifying that which works
in another. As a supervisor, my
primary task is to bring out the best in the employees who report to me. Appreciative Supervision is more about
identifying success than about monitoring and discipline. As a parent, it is important that my
child knows I love them and believe in them. Every child needs and deserves a parent that celebrates
their playfulness and their curiosity.
In managing an office it is important to take note of the positive
interaction and the excellence in performance. When working
with a person you would like to see make a change for the better, it is even
more important to identify and celebrate the positive. Look underneath the problem and
recognize the person. Connect at
that level and amazing things can happen.
The second coaching skill is to keep the focus on behavior you want more of and as little attention as
possible on behavior you want to stop. The second assumption of Appreciative Inquiry is “what we
focus on becomes our reality.”
When I ask people if they are getting the support and supervision then
need to do their best, they often tell me, “I know if I make a mistake I will
hear about it.” Supervision is not
about pointing out mistakes. It is
about pointing out excellence. It
is about “catching people doing the right thing” and letting them know you are
aware of it. If the only time
people get the managers attention is when they do something wrong, I can
understand why people don’t like supervision. Some would suggest that we don’t need to recognize an
employees work if they are just doing their job. I argue that it is very important to let employees,
children, friends and others know that you recognize and celebrate excellence.
If you want change, keep the focus on what you want, not on
what you don’t want. Language
creates reality. Talk about good
work habits. Tell stories of
positive interactions between men and women. Celebrate the gifts of ethnic and religious pluralism. Organizations and families move in the
direction of the stories they tell and the questions they explore.
The third coaching skill in assisting another to change is
to give them the language, the resources
and the training to keep improving.
Appreciative Supervision is about bringing out the best in another. Sometimes the difference between
coaching and criticism is merely timing.
If you are aware that someone is behaving in a disrespectful way on the
phone with a vendor, coach him or her to listen and respond in a more positive
way. Remind them before the next
call rather than scolding them after the call. If a child is not interacting with other children in a positive
and playful way, practice playfulness with them and set them up for
success. In my opinion there are
only two reasons a person does not do their best. They either do not know how to perform a task or they are
choosing not to give it their best.
The first is an issue of coaching and training, giving them the
resources and space to practice this new skill. The second calls for a change in attitude. If an employee knows their supervisor
trusts and believes in them, they can respond to feedback and change.
Creating change is a part of partnering with others. I am convinced by both the stories
people tell me and my own interactions with others that people respond to
positive interactions more quickly and more completely than from corrections,
discipline, and criticism.
Coaching for a change can be rewarding for both the coach and the client. Keep a record of the positive you
recognize in others. Continue to
let others know how much you appreciative them. Concentrate on keeping your focus and your language on
those behaviors you want to see more often. Give your best to the people you work and play with and more
often than not they will return the favor.