The Human Agenda

Why Won't You Apologize? by Harriet Learner

April 8 – Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurtst by Harriet Learner
The courage to apologize, and the wisdom to do it well, is at the heart of effective leadership, marriage, parenting, friendship, personal integrity, and what we call love. “I’m sorry” are the two most powerful words in the English language. Harriet Learner is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts, renowned for her scholarly work on the psychology of women and family relationships.

Releasing Conversation: Check in with your names and share briefly what you have learned in the last 30 days.

1. “The challenge of apology and reconciliation is a dance that occurs between at least two people. We are all, many times over, on both sides of the equation.” (p. 3) Think about times you have been on both sides of the equation. What has helped heal and what has not worked for you?
2. “The best apologies are short, and don’t go on to include explanations that run the risk of undoing them.” (p.15) “I’m sorry you feel that way” is another common pseudo-apology.” (15)
“The purpose of an apology is to calm and sooth the hurt party, not to agitate or pursue her because you have the impulse to connect, explain yourself, lower your guilt quotient, or foster your recovery.” (p. 23-24)
3. “It’s incredibly difficult to listen to someone’s pain when that someone’s accusing us of causing it…To listen with an open heart and ask questions to better help us understand the other person is a spiritual exercise, in the truest sense of the word.” (p. 43). Can you say to yourself, “This is not about me”, even when the other person is trying to make it about you? If you can it allows the other to “feel” their own feelings.
4. “Nondefensive listening: 1. Recognize your defensiveness. 2. Breath. 3. Listen only to understand. 4. Ask questions about whatever you don’t understand. 5. Find something you can agree with. 6. Apologize for your part. 7. Let the offended party know he or she has been heard and that you will continue to think about the conversation. 8. Thank the critical person for sharing his or her feelings. 9. Take the initiative to bring the conversation up again. 10. Draw the line at insults. 11.Don’t listen when you can’t listen well. 12. Define your differences…Wholehearted listening require us to quiet our mind, open our heart, and ask questions to help us to better understand.” (p. 48-52) Recall times when you practiced these skills. When has someone listened to you in this way?
5. “While guilt is about doing, shame is about being.” (p. 63) Also material on p. 84-86. Talk about the difference between guilt and shame. Think of some stories that illustrate the power to heal rather than add to the hurt.
6. “Criticize the behavior, not the person.” (p. 75) Explain and illustrate the difference between feedback and criticism.
7. “We are responsible for our own behavior. But we are not responsible for other people’s reactions, nor are they responsible for ours.” (p. 88). What does this mean? Can you give an illustration? See pages 90-91.
8. “Learn to say, ‘Thank you for the apology,’ and stop there.” (p. 97) When is that better than “I accept your apology.”
9. “The best apologies are offered by people who understand that it is important to be oneself, but equally as important to choose the self that we want to be.” (125) What does that mean to you?
10. “Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.” Frederick Buechner in Wishful Thinking p. 2. Why is forgiveness important? What have you learned and how did you learn about the need for letting go of past hurts? Remember, no one is inherently a victim.

May 13 - Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love by Dani Shapiro
In the Spring of 2016, through a genealogy website to which she had whimsically submitted her DNA, Dani Shapiro received the astonishing news that her beloved deceased father was not her biological father. Over the course of a single day, her entire history ---the life she had lived ---crumbled beneath her. In just a few hours of Internet sleuthing, she was able to piece together the story of her conception and, remarkable, find on You Tube video of her biological father. A true story that reads like a novel.

June 10 – American Soul: Rediscovering the Wisdom of the Founders by Jacob Needleman
Jacob Needleman has spent a lifetime studying the religious traditions of the world looks at the wisdom of the American Spirit by focusing on George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, The American Indian, Frederick Douglas, Walt Whitman and others. He shares his perspective on where we have been and his vision of what is still possible in this nation.
Sacred Citizenship by Vern Barnet
We will read an updated version of our friend Vern Barnet’s paper of “Civil Religion” which has been part of classes on World Religions. Vern will be with us to share his insight and our vital conversation.

July 8 – Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson
“From the frontline of social justice comes one of the most urgent voices of our era. Bryan Stevenson is a real-life Atticus Finch who, through his work in redeeming innocent people condemned to death, has sought to redeem the country itself. This is a book of great power and courage, It is inspiring and suspenseful. A revelation.” Isabel Wilkerson, author of The Warmth of Other Suns.

August 12 – The Woman’s Hour: The Great Fight to Win the Vote by Elaine Weiss
The author artfully recasts the saga of women’s quest for the vote by focusing on the campaign’s last six weeks, when it all came down to one ambivalent state. The dauntless – but divided – suffragists confront the “Antis” – women who oppose their own enfranchisement., fearing suffrage will bring about the moral collapse of the nation.
Atkins Johnson Farm and Museum “Votes for Women: The Fight for Women’s Suffrage in Kansas and Missouri” August 5 – October 3, 2020. This exhibition is made possible by the Freedom’s Frontier National Heritage Area traveling exhibit program, administered by the Watkins Museum of History. Museum admission is free. The creator of the exhibit will speak at the opening on August 5.
Not so Minor: The Supreme Court Denies Women's Right to Vote
Wednesday, August 26 at the Gladstone Community Center 6:30 pm.

Selections are subject to change. If you would like to be reminded and have additional information, contact David Nelson at humanagenda@gmail.com or call (816) 453-3835

Letters fo My Palestinian Neighbor by Yossi Klein Halevi

– Letters to My Palestinian Neighbor by Yossi Klein Halevi
“Given our circumstances, ‘neighbor’ may be too casual a word to describe our relationship. We are intruders into each other’s dreams, violators of each other’s sense of home. We are living incarnations of each other’s worst historical nightmares. Neighbors?” In this taut and provocative book, Halevi endeavors to untangle the ideological and emotional knot that has defined the conflict for nearly a century. Using history and personal experience as his guides, he unravels the complex strands of faith, pride, anger, and anguish he feels as a Jew living in Israel.

Releasing conversation: Share your name and identify your home community.

1. “As the Qur’an so powerfully notes, despair is equivalent to disbelief in God. To doubt the possibility of reconciliation is to limit God’s power, the possibility of miracle – especially in this land. The Torah commands me, ‘Seek peace and pursue it’ ---even when peace appears impossible, perhaps especially the.” (18-19). Why is the author writing this as letters to a Palestinian neighbor?

2. “Israel exists because it never stopped existing, even if only in prayer…Need gave Zionism its urgency, but longing gave Zionism its spiritual substance.” (p. 34-35). What is Zionism? Did this book add any to your understanding of Zionism?

3. “So long as Palestinian leaders insist on defining the Jews as a religion rather than allowing us to define ourselves as we have since ancient times – as a people with a particular faith – then Israel will continue to be seen as illegitimate, its existence an open question” (52). How do you understand this distinction? Why does it make a difference?

4. “We live in such intimacy, we can almost hear each other breathing. What choice do we have but to share this land? And by that, I mean share conceptually as well as tangibly. We must learn to accommodate each other’s narratives. That is why I persist in writing to you why I am trying to reach out across the small space and vast abyss that separates your hill from mine.” (89). Can you imagine or have you experienced living in such proximity to people that so often see each other as “the enemy”? What does it mean to “accommodate each other’s narratives? How can the USA and other nations be allies to both sides?

5. “Sustaining the tension between the particular and the universal is one of the great challenges facing Jewish people today.” (61). What does this mean to you?
6. “The enemy of justice for both sides is absolute justice for either side.” (124). What does the author mean by this statement?
7. “Perhaps we can help restore each other to balance. Jews, I feel, need something of the Muslim prayer mat; my Muslim friends say that need something of the Jewish study hall. Can we inspire each other to renew our spiritual greatness? (152). How can we benefit from both the prayer mat and the study hall?

8. “I am the son not of destruction but of rebirth.” (179). What does this mean to you and why does it make a difference?

Vital Conversations 2020

2020 Vital Conversations A Program of the Greater Kansas City Interfaith Council, CRES, And Mid-Continent Public Library - The Antioch Branch 6060 N. Chestnut. Gladstone, MO 64119 The Second Wednesday of each month from 1 to 2:30 p.m. VC Coffee - the Fourth Wednesday at 8 a.m. at Panera Bread, 311 NE Englewood Rd.

March 11 - – Letters to My Palestinian Neighbor by Yossi Klein Halevi “Given our circumstances, ‘neighbor’ may be too casual a word to describe our relationship. We are intruders into each other’s dreams, violators of each other’s sense of home. We are living incarnations of each other’s worst historical nightmares. Neighbors?” In this taut and provocative book, Halevi endeavors to untangle the ideological and emotional knot that has defined the conflict for nearly a century. Using history and personal experience as his guides, he unravels the complex strands of faith, pride, anger, and anguish he feels as a Jew living in Israel.

Releasing conversation: Share your name and identify your home community.

1. “As the Qur’an so powerfully notes, despair is equivalent to disbelief in God. To doubt the possibility of reconciliation is to limit God’s power, the possibility of miracle – especially in this land. The Torah commands me, ‘Seek peace and pursue it’ ---even when peace appears impossible, perhaps especially the.” (18-19). Why is the author writing this as letters to a Palestinian neighbor?

2. “Israel exists because it never stopped existing, even if only in prayer…Need gave Zionism its urgency, but longing gave Zionism its spiritual substance.” (p. 34-35). What is Zionism? Did this book add any to your understanding of Zionism?

3. “So long as Palestinian leaders insist on defining the Jews as a religion rather than allowing us to define ourselves as we have since ancient times – as a people with a particular faith – then Israel will continue to be seen as illegitimate, its existence an open question” (52). How do you understand this distinction? Why does it make a difference?

4. “We live in such intimacy, we can almost hear each other breathing. What choice do we have but to share this land? And by that, I mean share conceptually as well as tangibly. We must learn to accommodate each other’s narratives. That is why I persist in writing to you why I am trying to reach out across the small space and vast abyss that separates your hill from mine.” (89). Can you imagine or have you experienced living in such proximity to people that so often see each other as “the enemy”? What does it mean to “accommodate each other’s narratives? How can the USA and other nations be allies to both sides?

5. “Sustaining the tension between the particular and the universal is one of the great challenges facing Jewish people today.” (61). What does this mean to you?
6. “The enemy of justice for both sides is absolute justice for either side.” (124). What does the author mean by this statement?
7. “Perhaps we can help restore each other to balance. Jews, I feel, need something of the Muslim prayer mat; my Muslim friends say that need something of the Jewish study hall. Can we inspire each other to renew our spiritual greatness? (152). How can we benefit from both the prayer mat and the study hall?

8. “I am the son not of destruction but of rebirth.” (179). What does this mean to you and why does it make a difference?
April 8 – Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurst by Harriet Learner
The courage to apologize, and the wisdom to do it well, is at the heart of effective leadership, marriage, parenting, friendship, personal integrity, and what we call love. “I’m sorry” are the two most powerful words in the English language. Harriet Learner is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts, renowned for her scholarly work on the psychology of women and family relationships.

May 13 - Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love by Dani Shapiro
In the Spring of 2016, through a genealogy website to which she had whimsically submitted her DNA, Dani Shapiro received the astonishing news that her beloved deceased father was not her biological father. Over the course of a single day, her entire history ---the life she had lived ---crumbled beneath her. In just a few hours of Internet sleuthing, she was able to piece together the story of her conception ad, remarkable, fid a You Tube video of her biological father. A true story that reads like a novel.

June 10 – American Soul: Rediscovering the Wisdom of the Founders by Jacob Needleman
Jacob Needleman has spent a lifetime studying the religious traditions of the world looks at the wisdom of the American Spirit by focusing on George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, The American Indian, Frederick Douglas, Walt Whitman and others. He shares his perspective on where we have been and his vision of what is still possible in this nation.
Sacred Citizenship by Vern Barnet
We will also read an updated version of our friend Vern Barnet’s paper of “Civil Religion” which has been part of classes on World Religions. Vern will be with us to share his insight and our vital conversation.

July 8 – Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson
“From the frontline of social justice comes one of the most urgent voices of our era. Bryan Stevenson is a real-life Atticus Finch who, through his work in redeeming innocent people condemned to death, has sought to redeem the country itself. This is a book of great power and courage, It is inspiring and suspenseful. A revelation.” Isabel Wilkerson, author of The Warmth of Other Suns.

August 12 – The Woman’s Hour: The Great Fight to Win the Vote by Elaine Weiss
The author artfully recasts the saga of women’s quest for the vote by focusing on the campaign’s last six weeks, when it all came down to one ambivalent state. The dauntless – but divided – suffragists confront the “Antis” – women who oppose their own enfranchisement., fearing suffrage will bring about the moral collapse of the nation.
Atkins Johnson Farm and Museum “Votes for Women: The Fight for Women’s Suffrage in Kansas and Missouri” August 5 – October 3, 2020. This exhibition is made possible by the Freedom’s Frontier National Heritage Area traveling exhibit program, administered by the Watkins Museum of History. Museum admission is free. The creator of the exhibit will speak at the opening on August 5.Algon
Not so Minor: The Supreme Court Denies Women's Right to Vote
Wednesday, August 26 at the Gladstone Community Center 6:30 pm.

Selections are subject to change. If you would like to be reminded and have additional information, contact David Nelson at humanagenda@gmail.com or call (816) 453-3835

David E. Nelson
816.453.3835
humanagenda@gmail.com

Thoughts About Kindness - 2019

Some Thoughts About Kindness December 2019

Quite often I watch people being kind to one another. I love to watch little children play and go out of their way to show love. I enjoy visiting Gladstone Community Center and see people of all ages engaging in activities from lifting weights, swimming, to playing cards in a cooperative way. Like many of you, I treasure observing my children and grandchildren interacting with others in behaviors that bring tears of joy to my heart. We said our final goodbye to Ann’s 101-year-old aunt Doris this year. She was a truly kind woman. I still am honored to partner and teach women and men who manage ambulance services and 911 centers who above all else seek to be kind to the customers, their employees, and their own families. Ann spends times each week with Assistance League of Kansas City organizing and planning how to be kind and provide needed resources of those in special needs. We are a part of a congregation who seeks to practice kindness in a great variety of ways

Perhaps my focus has been influenced by so much anger and hate that spills out in our daily news. Perhaps as an Appreciative Inquiry Coach, I have become extremely comfortable in focusing on what works in the world rather than spending time looking at what is broken. Perhaps the several articles and movies about Mr. Rogers reminded me that his legacy is such a wonderful gift to the world.

As I reflect on kindness, I realize that it is not passive at all. Kindness is not just stepping aside for someone to pass; it is doing everything possible to make the other’s journey the best it can be. It is not merely not hurting or ignoring someone, it is assertively doing what is possible to assist and affirm another human being. Kindness is not just not being a bully, it is building respect and safety to all brothers and sisters and celebrating the wonderful diversity of gifts in our precious world.

Consider the movie “The Shape of Water.” This is a mythic story of a woman without the ability to speak. She works as a custodian in a science center that has received a new “asset” from South America. This beast, as most see him, is mistreated and abused in research. Our hero, without words, however, is kind, she cares and makes a difference in the lives of almost everyone in the story. It is not her strength, her magic, her intelligence or her insight that makes the difference. It is her kindness.

I want to be more like her. I seek to live in a world with others like her. We need more kindness. The first week of December I spend in the hospital with pancreatitis. The treatment included the surgical removal of my gallbladder. I felt awful much of the time and I was surrounded with kind people. From people who cleaned my room to surgeons who operated on me I was touched by kind people. Since returning home I have received many kind greetings and have been nourished by food prepared and shared to lighten the burden of healing and caregiving. What a wonderful human gift. I love the world I live in.

One of my favorite books for the year has been Timothy Egan’s A Pilgrimage to Eternity: From Canterbury to Rome in Search of a Faith. This is non-fiction account of a man searching to rediscover his childhood faith by taking the Via Francigena, once a major pilgrimage to Rome. His journey takes him through delightful sacred places, introduces him to fascinating people, and invites him to revisit his personal and private spiritual journey. I loved it because I too keep searching for deeper understanding on my own human journey. Religion is finally not about other’s experience through life. It is the collection of relationships and openness to the wonders of people. My reading tells me Timothy found kindness and home. In my reading I found both as well.

Other books we would recommend are Moral Leadership for a Divided Age by David P. Gushed and Colin Holtz (great for a group study) and The Two Mountains by David Brooks. Other movies we enjoyed are “Motherless Brooklyn” and “Rocketman”.

We wish each of you a “kind” sacred season. May the next decade see more kindness given and received. Thanks for being kind friends. We celebrate and love you,
Ann and David Nelson

Vital Conversations - 2020

January 8, 2020 – The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead
Cora is a young slave on a cotton plantation in Georgia. An outcast even among his fellow Africans, she is on the cusp of womanhood ---where greater pain awaits. And so when Caesar, a slave who has recently arrived from Virginia, urges her to join him on the Underground Railroad, she seizes the opportunity. A Whitehead brilliantly re-creates the terrors of the antebellum era, he weaves in the saga of our nation, from the brutal abduction of Africans to the unfulfilled promises of the present day.

February 12 – Taking Civility Out of the Box: The Insanity of Incivility and What Can Be Done About It by Barbara Mason Condra
These are not easy times for important conversations because it is difficult to converse when there is a lack of civility. Barbara addresses this issue from her perspective as a retired teacher, school administrator, and volunteer. She will be with us, along with others from The Assistance League of Kansas City. She addresses the questions: Why are so many people angry and meanspirited? How will a lack of civility damage our democracy? Am I going to have to accept incivility as a way of life?

March 11 - – Letters to My Palestinian Neighbor by Yossi Klein Halevi
“Given our circumstances, ‘neighbor’ may be too casual a word to describe our relationship. We are intruders into each other’s dreams, violators of each other’s sense of home. We are living incarnations of each other’s worst historical nightmares. Neighbors?” In this taut and provocative book, Halevi endeavors to untangle the ideological and emotional knot that has defined the conflict for nearly a century. Using history and personal experience as his guides, he unravels the complex strands of faith, pride, anger, and anguish he feels as a Jew living in Israel.

April 8 – Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Learner
The courage to apologize, and the wisdom to do it well, is at the heart of effective leadership, marriage, parenting, friendship, personal integrity, and what we call love. “I’m sorry” are the two most powerful words in the English language. Harriet Learner is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts, renowned for her scholarly work on the psychology of women and family relationships.

May 13 - Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love by Dani Shapiro
In the Spring of 2016, through a genealogy website to which she had whimsically submitted her DNA, Dani Shapiro received the astonishing news that her beloved deceased father was not her biological father. Over the course of a single day, her entire history ---the life she had lived ---crumbled beneath her. In just a few hours of Internet sleuthing, she was able to piece together the story of her conception ad, remarkable, fid a You Tube video of her biological father. A true story that reads like a novel.

June 10 – American Soul: Rediscovering the Wisdom of the Founders by Jacob Needleman
Jacob Needleman has spent a lifetime studying the religious traditions of the world looks at the wisdom of the American Spirit by focusing on George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, The American Indian, Frederick Douglas, Walt Whitman and others. He shares his perspective on where we have been and his vision of what is still possible in this nation.
Sacred Citizenship by Vern Barnet
We will also read an updated version of our friend Vern Barnet’s paper of “Civil Religion” which has been part of classes on World Religions. Vern will be with us to share his insight and our vital conversation.

July 8 – Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson
“From the frontline of social justice comes one of the most urgent voices of our era. Bryan Stevenson is a real-life Atticus Finch who, through his work in redeeming innocent people condemned to death, has sought to redeem the country itself. This is a book of great power and courage, It is inspiring and suspenseful. A revelation.” Isabel Wilkerson, author of The Warmth of Other Suns.

Change in Vital Conversation schedule

September 11 – The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. The Glass Castle is an inspiring novel that really deals with problems that many face, neglection. The mother doesn't care enough to be a true mom, and the father is too busy getting drunk to care in a fatherly way. Which leaves the children with a lot to be desired. In a quest for independence and to find a way through life the children separate, and it shows many different paths life can lead you down It is truly an inspirational book, that shows you don't need someone always and to never give up.
October 9 – The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
In the world of the near future, who will control women's bodies? Offred is a Handmaid in the Republic of Gilead. Handmaids are only valued if their ovaries are viable. Offred can remember the days before, when she lived and made love with her husband Luke; when she played with and protected her daughter; when she had a job, money of her own, and access to knowledge. But all of that is gone now. Funny, unexpected, horrifying, and altogether convincing, The Handmaid's Tale is at once scathing satire, dire warning, and tour de force. “The Handmaid’s Tale” is also a TV series.

November 13 – CHANGE Kansastan: Ad Allah Per Aspra by Farooq Ahmed
Inspired by the American Civil War, KANSASTAN takes place in a dystopic Kansas that is besieged by its neighboring state, Missouri. Close to the state line, an orphaned and disabled goatherd lives atop a minaret and is relegated to custodial work by the mosque’s imam while the threat of occupation looms. When his aunt and cousin arrive, the mosque’s congregants believe that the cousin, Faisal, is a young prophet. Faisal comes to also believe in his divinity stoking the goatherd’s envy and hatred. Kansastan is a singular work, infused with Islamic folklore, Quranic lyricism, and Old Testament tales. Farooq, the author who lives in Los Angeles, will be present for our conversation.

December 11 – CHANGE In Pursuit of Peace: Community of Christ’s Journey by Andrew Bolton and others. The vision of Zion, the Peaceable Kingdom, was at the heart of the 19th Century movement that gave birth to the Community of Christ. Once known as the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” (RLDS), since 2001 the Community of Christ has its international headquarters in Independence, Missouri. Members of the Community of Christ will join the conversation.

Why Religion? Elaine Pagels

August 14 – Why Religion? by Elaine Pagels. A provocative and deeply moving memoir from one of the most compelling religious thinkers at work today. Pagels explore the spiritual dimension of human experience by sharing events from her own life journey. She revisits how these losses taught her to think more deeply about suffering and how the world’s religions have addressed it. Readers of all faiths, and none, can learn from her brilliance and courage.

Releasing Conversation: Share your name and your response to the question: “Why Religion?”

Quotes and questions selected by David Nelson.

“Am I religious?” Yes, incorrigibly, by temperament, if you mean susceptible to the music, the rituals, the daring leaps of imagination and metaphor so often found in music, poems, liturgies, rituals, and stories – not only those that are Christian, but also to the cantor’s singing at the bar mitzvah, to Hopi and Zuni dances on the mesas of the American Southwest, to the call to prayer in Indonesia. But when we say “religious,” what are we talking about?” (p.32) What do you most appreciate about religion? Are their activities you have appreciated from other religions? I began to see what fascinated him (Heinz) about investigating the natural world, from the “big bang” to elementary particles and galaxies; and he became intrigued with the secret gospels…I never felt so close to anyone.” (p. 37) Share a story of conversation with another person whose life focus and experience were vastly different from you own and yet you connected in a meaningful way.

Whatever most people mean by faith was never more remote than during times of mourning, when professions of faith in God sounded only like unintelligible noise, heard from the bottom of the sea. (p. 98) Have you experienced expressions of faith that seemed empty, meaningless, or even downright painful at times of loss or tragedy? (Example: “God needed another child in heaven.”

We found no meaning in our son’s death, or in the deaths of countless others. The most we could hope was that we might be able to create meaning. (p. 104) What is the difference between finding meaning in something and creating meaning? Can you illustrate?

“You have no choice about how you feel about this. Your only choice is whether to feel it now or later.” Although her comment helped a little at first, during the next twenty-five years I would keep discovering that how much I was able to feel, or not, and when, was not a matter of choice. (p. 121) How have you experienced and processed feelings during your life? Can you control when and how you feel?

After we sat together in silence for more than an hour, I asked about something strange that happened during the meditation. “Thomas, I felt as though waves of energy were coming toward me from various directions, like waves and ripples in an ocean, as though people were sending me energy; but I have no idea from whom they came. What – if anything – do you make of this?” Before that time, when someone said to me “I’m praying for you,” I’d assumed that this was a vague gesture, a nod to good intentions, the pious equivalent of saying “Let’s have lunch sometime.” (p. 129) What is your intention when you pray for someone? What is your expectation when you pray for someone? How do you feel about the criticism today that “thoughts and prayers” are not enough in relation to the mass shootings?

“Do you believe in life after death?” “Yes, of course – but not my life after my death.” (p. 137) What does the author mean? What does “life after death” mean to you?

I still wanted to believe that we live in a morally ordered universe, in which someone, or something – God or nature? – would keep track of what’s fair? (p. 167) Do you believe that we live in a moral universe?

Emerging from a time of unbearable grief, I felt that such sayings offered a glimpse of what I’d sensed in that vision of the net. They helped dispel isolation and turn me from despair, suggesting that every one of us is woven into the mysterious fabric of the universe, and into connection with each other, with all being, and with God. (p. 177) Do you have visions, experiences, and memories that give you such hope? Is this the authors answer to the question “Why Religion?”

Crazy Horse

July 17 – Books About Crazy Horse. There are many books about the great Lakota Warrior. David will have some of his own you can borrow and read. Samn Wright, who wrote and performed his one man play at Atkins Johnson Farm and Museum last year, will join us.

Releasing Conversation: Share your name and something you learned about Crazy Horse or about yourself in reading about Crazy Horse.

From Curly to Crazy Horse: Leadership Lessons for Today
By David E. Nelson

I have discovered clues to leadership for our time in the stories of Chief Crazy Horse. A combination of Francis of Assisi and General Paton, Crazy Horse brought together some of the finest qualities of the human spirit. He lived his truth in a way that invited others to live theirs. He was captured by a vision that inspired and drove him to acts of bravery and compassion. He became a community leader and yet remained emotionally intimate with family. He grieved the death of a daughter and the defeat of his people and yet never confused particular outcomes with eternal realities. From Curly to Crazy Horse is a story of the paradox of human leadership for today.
Curly loved his life. His father was Oglala Sioux and his mother Brule. He spent time with both peoples and learned that two legged are not all the same. Like the winged and four legged, humans were all different and all unique. His early years were lived in joy and security. He had no idea that he would one day be thrust into the forefront of the most critical struggle ever to face his people. Although Crazy Horse did not write in a book, he stored his learning in his head. He would put together ideas and new insights and in his nightly meetings with the elder would share stories and thoughts that would challenge even grandfather and grandmother. His early days would remain an important time of growth and learning. Curly would never lose sight of these days of peace and harmony. All life is connected. All the world is in a sacred balance. “irresistible attraction” is the notion that life is good and that we are unique and wonderful human beings. When you start to enjoy your uniqueness rather than attempt to become more like someone else you become more attractive to others.
In the stories and legends about Crazy Horse I have discovered some clues for the paradox of leadership in our tie.
1. Leaders are born and emerge in a context.
2. Leaders are personally strong and build strong communities.
3. Leaders seek to understand the past and not stay there.
4. Leaders have deep roots in their heritage and become culture brokers.
5. Leaders make clear plans and never get stuck in them.
6. Leaders have inner vision and open eyes.
7. Leaders take time to care for themselves and others. (In that order.)
8. Leaders have thinking hearts and feeling minds.
9. Leaders see the big picture and sweat the small stuff.
10. Leaders anticipate the future and life full in the present.
Even in his death Crazy Horse remains an inspiration to his people and others who pay attention to his story to live and dies with dignity, courage, and hope. Death may end a life, but it does not end a relationship.

Something Beautiful Happened

April 10 – Something Beautiful Happened: A Story of Survival and Courage in the Face of Evil by Yvette Manessis Corporon. At once a very personal memoir and an ambitious account of the untold history of the Greek Jews and a nuanced story about the important of kindness and the courage to stand up for what’s right, no matter the cost. Mindy Corporon plans to attend and share her personal connections with this powerful and healing story. This book contains several linked stories that tell of human tragedy and human hope.

Releasing conversation: Share your name and one interesting thing about your ancestry.

Quotations and discussion questions selected by David Nelson.
“Christian Orthodox or Jewish, Greek or Hebrew, at the end of the day, the prayers were all the same. Everyone on that tiny island asked God for the same thing. They prayed for peace and for safety, that the Germans would soon be defeated and that the secret of Savvas would remind just that.” p. 42 “Not one person on Erikousa told the Nazis that a Jewish family was hiding among them. Not one. And Savvas, Julia, Sera, Nina and little Rosa all survived. p. 47 Q. Who was Papa Savvas, the Jewish Tailor of Corfu and why was he being hidden by the islanders of Erikousa?

“That summer, my very first summer on Erikousa, I fell in love with our magical island. I arrive on Erikousa with a broken hear. And while nothing would ever heal the pain of missing my papou, I experienced firsthand the healing power of community and the ethereal nature of Erikousa’s hospitality and kindness.” P. 56 Q. Is there a place/space in your life of healing, hospitality and kindness? Share a story about it. Are you nurturing more places like that today?

“As a tribute to his grandfather, Nino’s grandson tattooed Nino’s Holocaust number on his own arm. That number, A-15510, once a symbol of hate, now transformed into a symbol of survival, strength and love.” p. 91 Q. Have you seen a tattoo of a Holocaust number? Have you seen or have a tattoo that has become a symbol for something hopeful?

“That very weekend, on a rainy Palm Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of a Jewish community center in a bucolic Kansas town, my beautiful nephew, Reat, and his grandfather, Dr. Bill Corporon, were murdered by a new-Nazi on a mission to kill Jews.” P.103 Q. Where were you when you heard about this terrible local hate crime? What were you first thoughts?

“Images of the petite, dimpled, heartbroken mother attending a vigil for her son and father wearing a red sweatshirt and comforting a room of teenagers, were transmitted across the globe. Mindy didn’t know it yet, but her calling from God was taking shape. Her son and father’s deaths would not be in vain. Mindy’s message of love had already touched millions around the world. The first ripple had formed. And it was just the beginning.” P. 123 Q. Can you recall the beginning of something that would significantly change your life?
“The lives of Reat, Bill and Terri ended in a parking lot that rainy Kansas Sunday with the words of a neo-Nazi attached to their names, but that doesn’t mean their stories end there. It can’t. We won’t let them. Just like my yia-yia and her fellow islanders 70 years before, we are determined to write a different ending.” P. 136 “Will understood that while they had no control over what had happened, they could at least control what happened next.” P. 144 Q. The quality of your life is not determined by what happens to you, but by how you respond to the events. Can you share a story from your life that illustrates that truth?

“He then looked into my father’s eyes and reminded us all what is written in the Talmud, reciting the words, ‘He who saves a life, saves the world.’” P. 166 “That afternoon, as my father and I shared our story, each one of us was reminded that no matter how oppressive the darkness, it is our obligation to always seek out, remember and remind one another of the light.” P. 166-167 “Watching Jacqueline and Mindy together that weekend, it made perfect sense to me that they had found each other. Individually they were survivors speaking out ii memory of love ones lost to hate. Together, they were a chorus of hope, change, compassion and action.” P. 185 Q. Identify some ways you can save a life and you can bring a light in a dark place.

“Because every family has a story ---and this is ours.” P. 221 Q. Take the time to remember, perhaps write down, and share your family story.

While the World Watched

February 13 – While the World Watched by Carolyn Maull McKinstry. A half century has passed since the Ku Klux Klan bombed the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church on September 15, 1963, that killed four young friends. For five decades Carolyn Maull McKinstry has tried to forget the deaths, the inhumane injustice, and the brutal assassinations of those who spoke out for change. But now she feels compelled to write down in permanent ink her eye witness account of exactly what happened. In 2018, Sheila Sonnenschein, Melanie Allmayer, and Ameneh Pazerish, who live in the Kansas City area, traveled on the Sisterhood of Salaam Shalom Civil Rights and Social Justice Trip to the American South. They will be present at our book discussion. These women from various religious communities visited Birmingham and met the author.

“Hate is too great a burden to bear…I have decided to love…If you are seeking the highest good, I think you can find it through love. And the beautiful thing is that we aren’t moving wrong when we do it, because John was right, God is love.” MLK Jr. (page 1) Think of times you have chosen to love and/or forgive instead of continuing to hate.

“On the day after the church bombing, a young, white Birmingham attorney, Charles Morgan Jr. publicly blamed the pillars of the city for the girls’ deaths. ‘Every person in this community who has in any way contributed during the past several years to the popularity of hatred is at least as guilty, or more so, than the demented fool who threw that bomb,’ Mr. Morgan said.” (p. 73) Do you agree with Mr. Morgan? Are you, are we, contributing to hate when we remain silent in the presence of verbal expressions of vicious hatred for ‘others’?

“After the funerals, no one mentioned again the four dead girls – my friends. Not my parents, not my teachers, not my pastor, not my Sunday school teachers, not my church members, not my friends. No one. It was like the word cancer. No one wanted to say it out loud or acknowledge it. And with the restroom ‘death chamber’ sealed off and walled up, offering no visible reminder of the bombing, it was almost as if it never happened.” (p.79) Why do you think this happened and can you think of other times this was the case?

“And then I sensed God planting in me a vision for my future. ‘Carolyn, I need you to tell people that this is not about skin color or ethnicity or religion. It is about love, it is about forgiveness, it is about reconciliation. I need you to be my messenger, my ambassador.” (p. 201) Reflect on a time in your life when you received a vision, a call, a nudge, to be a messenger.

“Bitterness hurts only the people whose hearts house it, not the offenders. By God’s grace, I choose to forgive Bobby Frank Cherry, Robert Chambliss, Thomas Blanton, Herman Cash (a suspect who had died during the time the investigation was reopened), and all the others who lived lives of hate. It’s the difficult road, yet it’s also the road to ultimate freedom.” (p. 261) When you have let go of hate, even when you have the right to feel it, have you felt relief and a new sense of self-worth?

“At its core, forgiveness is a spiritual act – it’s not something we can do in our own strength.” (p.274) What does that mean to you? Where do you get your strength to forgive? “In order to truly love our neighbors, we have to get to know them.” (p. 278) What are you doing to get to know your neighbors better?

The Birmingham Pledge
• I believe that every person has worth as an individual.
• I believe that every person is entitled to dignity and respect regardless of race or color.
• I believe that every thought and every act of racial prejudice is harmful; if it is my thought or act, then it is harmful to me as to others.
• Therefore, from this day forward I will strive daily to eliminate racial prejudice from my thoughts and actions.
• I will discourage racial prejudice by others at every opportunity.
• I will treat all people with dignity and respect; and I will strive daily to honor this pledge, knowing that the world will be a better place because of my effort.
While the World Watched (P 280)